Thursday, 25 January 2018

Man baffled that every home doesn't have a 'poop knife' after being forced to explain what it's for


Every family has its own little habits, tricks and traditions. When we're kids they are all completely normal and we don't know any different. But sometimes as we grow older, we find out that maybe they're not quite as normal as we thought. One man found him in this situation, and the topic of interest was a rather bizarre. His family have always had a 'poop knife', which they kept hung on a nail in the laundry room. He thought this was completely normal, and just assumed everyone had one. But after an awkward exchange at a friend's house, he was shocked to find out that isn't the case.
He shared the shocking moment of realisation on Reddit .
He writes: "It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house.
"I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd.
"I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend.
"He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?"
""Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
""Wtf is a poop knife?"
"Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it."
Unsurprisingly, the reaction wasn't quite what he expected.
He goes on: "He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing.
"It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door.
"It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my f***** up family with their f***** up bowels. FML."
Thankfully, the anonymous gentleman also explain what one would use a 'poop knife' for.
He writes: "My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of c***.
"If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush.
"It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
"Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife.
"It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose.
"It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
"I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife."
And it gets worse.
Standing by his 'poop knife' idea, the man now has one in his home as an adult.
After such an awkward exchange years before, you would have thought he would have explained the concept to his wife.
But apparently not.
He explained the party story to her one day, and says she was "amused" and "horrified". Shocking.
He said: "It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife.
"Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.
"She will be getting her own utility knife now."
His odd post has been shared thousands of times on social media.
Like the man's wife, most people are very confused by the whole thing.
But they also had one very important question - why wasn't it kept in the bathroom?
He's replied to the comments to clear things up.
He said: "We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms.
"I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives.
All I know is that we didn't. We had the one.
"Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things.
"So yes, we shared our poop knife."

No comments:

Post a Comment